"India's Daughter" aired yesterday on BBC UK - earlier than the original telecast date of March 6th since the Indian Government is trying to ban the telecast not only in India, but also in the rest of the world.

I am an Indian girl. I live in by most accounts a relatively safe city. But every friend of mine and even me on occasion have had my behind grabbed in a public space, leached at and ridiculous things said to. We are taught from a very early age to look at the ground while walking and not particularly make eye contact with any man. All of this is true and I believe it only gets worse by degrees. I have no problem in believing that only 10% of the rapes in India even get reported because “the victim is treated like the perpetrator of a crime”.

There are many households and places in India where women are treated on par with men but there's no denying that there exists a disparity in their position in a patriarchal social order in a country like ours. But concealing the truth by banning the film does not help anyone!! Why blame west for our own problems. If someone from a different country is highlighting problems of our country, why cant we agree that a problem exists. After all if we do not acknowledge that there is a problem, how else do we intend on finding a solution to the problem. We all know how our women are treated in our society. Yes, India is culturally strong but INDIAN MEN ARE NOT. Even well educated Indian males  have and choose to exhibit a superior attitude and treat women unequally.

So it does not matter about whether a person is rich or poor, educated or illiterate, it is a fact and the dark reality. The fact also remains that parents and the entire society has to realise that it is the reality, only then can we take steps to combat this mindset. Our Indian culture usually puts the onus of safety on the woman (and not on the society), we expect her to dress decently(instead of expecting men to show self-restraint), expect her to not go out in the night (instead of making it safe for her to do so), or expect her to fulfil gender roles like being a housewife(instead of letting her choose what she wants to do with the one life she’s going to have), but we will immediately to this very statement have a hundred people up in arms saying that “our Indian Culture” does not endorse violence against women.

This documentary is not some international conspiracy, and BBC is definitely not attempting to malign India, it's government and its people. Since the person who made this documentary is not Indian, is it ok for us to issue gag orders since they have "dared" to make a documentary about something which is an accurate portrayal of the mindset of a lot of men in this country.


So that leaves us with the question - Should people outside of our country be gagged from voicing opinions about the issues in India?  and doesn’t the Indian government banning the telecast of this documentary give people the impression that India is trying to hide something? 

On finally learning the importance of HELPING YOURSELF FIRST.

Living alone allows you to - as my friend calls it “explore and get to know your true self”. Over the course of 4 years, I’ve been a damsel in distress on numerous occasions but finally learning and understanding that there are so many things I could actually manage by myself, has transformed me into my own personal Knight (albeit the shining armour). I can now say that I not just have the funds to rent an apartment, I have the skills too. Weirdly enough, I now get called by friends to HELP OUT.

1. Doing proper First Aid - learning to clean and bandage a minor injury without fainting at the first sight of blood or losing the ability to deal with the situation appropriately does not help anybody least of all YOU.

2. Owning a car – From getting back from work past midnight, to being able to commute back and forth from my parents place regularly, to being able to drive a friends injured puppy to the vet. No more taxi services-rude auto drivers or crowded buses. I don’t depend on anyone else’s schedule to go where I want to go – when I want to go. One of the best decisions I have made.  

3. Learning to change a tyre – 3 flat tyres at the same time and 2 excruciating hours was all it took for me to understand the value of this lesson. Now, I think there isn’t all that much to it. It’s a relatively simple job that requires very few tools (that come with the kit in the car), almost anyone can do it and once you learn how to change a tyre you won’t have to worry about hoping for the kindness of strangers to get you back on the road again or worse, waiting for the roadside-assistance when you are stuck somewhere out of your comfort zone.

4. Cooking –  Ever wondered why most people are asked what their favourite meal of all times is – they usually reply with some dish from their mothers or grandmothers kitchen? Because cooking encompasses the word NOURISH in all forms. For me chopping vegetables, peeling, stirring curry, blending spices into a paste - while my mind wanders away from all the millions have-to’s of daily life is both therapeutic and calming at the end of a day.

5. Understand that we share our space in the world with cockroaches and spiders – AND THEN do everything humanly possible so that you don’t have to atleast share your home with them.

6. Roll up those sleeves - and learn how to change a bulb, drive a nail through a wall, drain a clogged kitchen sink, unscrew a pickle jar (a jar sat unopened in my fridge for close to 2 months because I couldn’t do it)

7. Compiling a list of all the numbers to call (not just numbers to all the take out dinner places) – I have my plumber, the closest hospital, the dentist and even the numbers of the closest convenience store pinned to the fridge door.

8. Appreciate yourself – your body – your work – your abilities. When you do not share your living space with any other person you don’t see or hear appreciation often. A delicious dinner that you cooked for yourself, the way the house looks after you’ve finished cleaning for hours or even simply when you catch a glimpse of your freshfaced-trackpant-wearing-self- with-hair-piled-on-top-of-the-head in the mirror as you do the chores around the house looking healthy and pretty – APPRECIATE YOURSELF.

Why it would be heartening to see parents who just let their children be!!

A week spent in the company of toddlers helps a person make a few unbiased but pointed observations. Having watched 4 babies under 3 years in the group, I got to observe 4 extremely different parenting styles. Two mums constantly  hover around their kids to an extent where the kids didn’t run, jump, wade even in the kiddie pool without the mum holding them by the collar. One of the babies who is paranoid of his own shadow already and was taking turns and pointing out a 1mm scar from a fall 6 months earlier. Both these children already seem to be socially awkward, are not confident and constantly look for direction.

One kid is already addicted to a screen at 3 years of age. He wants his fathers phone, uses the word “bored” and asks for the TV or the laptop to watch all those nonsensical online kids channels.

The other mum on the other hand seems to have taken an approach which is something I totally intend on aping if I ever am blessed with babies – she keeps an eye at her baby at all times , is always at hand BUT DOES NOT HOVER. This child is friendly with everyone, observes the world with big beautiful eyes, picks up ants, runs after ducks and already exhibits traits like independence and confidence.

This toddler does not know how to operate a phone, does not have access to television nor has ever been plonked in front of a laptop. EVER. As an older relative expressed shock at this revelation – my cousin (who is the mum in question) promptly replied – “I didn’t watch Cable TV till when I was 13, use a computer till when I was 18 nor owned an iPhone till the age of 30. I still turned out to be extremely well spoken – well read and well educated”.

I had to do research if only I saw the pattern and then I came across this 2007 TED Talk by GEVER TULLY titled "5 Dangerous Things You Should Let Your Children Do" and it has affirmed what I understood from my observations.

http://www.ted.com/talks/gever_tulley_on_5_dangerous_things_for_kids#t-165299

As I watched this video I realised that I had done every single one of the things he listed - and then some.  Isn’t it true that running , jumping, falling and getting hurt, even climbing a tree  teaches a baby  necessary life skills that it need but will not develop if they are not allowed to explore the world and find out for themselves.

Would any parent want that at the cost of a few bumps, cuts and bruises. Afterall, if I’ve heard right – lessons are leant the hard way.

Forgotten Treasure

There was a clear rule in my home growing up – Readers Digest and Nat Geo magazines were completely off limits, because ME in particular would cut up most magazines that my parents subscribed to for my school projects. I guess it was important for my father to issue such a decree because in an age pre-internet, these magazines filled with fascinating reports about history, travel and culture accompanied by BRILLIANT PHOTOGRAPHS were the only source of connecting us with the world far and beyond.

One particularly well-thumbed issue is about the "Women of Arabia" which to this day had a place of prominence on my bookshelf.

Read an extremely interesting bleacherreport today as to why Pele will always

stand above Messi and Cristiano and the whole WORLD. Hard to imagine that all these years later there has never been anyone who has come close to attaining the kind of glory the “Black Pearl” did. My day would beg to differ  on this point, as far as he is concerned is has got to be Maradona all the way. My dad maintains that when the Hand-of-God goal was struck I was shrieking at the top of my voice and celebrating with him (this being said the year was 1986 ,I was just a toddler and I would have happily joined in any kind of celebration with as much enthusiasm a 3 year old could muster)

Ok, back to the topic of the bleacher report, it brought back a long buried memory of a chapter in one of my school text books that described Pele’s debut match and how he shot to international stardom in a match where the Brazilian squad scored a goal against Russia(which at the time was one of the best footballing nations in the world) and that too when Yashin was at the nets. There was an entire section in the chapter dedicated to the brilliant Russian goalie called Yashin who till this day happens to maintain the reputation of being the best goalies the football field has ever seen.

It was a lovely feeling to open a fresh browser and search for Lev Yashin and see pictures of a man about whom I had studied a long time ago(for grades of course) . Guess it shows how much mystery the world has lost to the advent of technology. I guess it isn’t always wonderful to be instantly gratified.

A mad-dash , a sprinkling of luck and the last available ticket …………….

……………. and voila I got to watch Prashanth Nair’s cleverly penned “ROMEO AND JULIET” at the Rangashankara.

The plot which includes 4 puppets who are bound by strings and have played Shakespearean plays all their lives, decide to break free from their stings and perform Romeo and Juliet (their way) one last time before they can enjoy their newly found Freedom as what they like to call it.  What unfolded over the following 90 minutes is a intelligent volley of words that alternate between the ones Shakespeare penned all those years earlier and the words we get to hear at a coffee table in any office cafeteria or a college parking lot (“FIGURE KOUN HAI BE?” would be a good example of what I mean) 

The delightful connection built with the audience with references to Arnab Goswami’s painful tirade to the brainless hogwash namely “Chennai Express” kept the audience in splits. The narration by Chris and generously peppered with the excellent guitar playing if I may say so, is extremely effective in setting the tone for the entire play. Avinash Pathak is brilliant and I can safely say that laughs would be a lot lesser if not for him. His expressions and timing marks a talent to watch out for in the future. The multi-faceted Shashank Purushotham who plays Lord Capulet and Juliet’s nurse and Montague and the Friar and an angel and ARNAB GOSWAMI with surprising ease was a pleasure to watch.

The dance sequence which is a take on the famous balcony scene deserves a special mention here. The lighting is superb and the choreography beautifully executed. This sequence in particular took my breath away. Rijul Ray gives voice to Shakespearean words the way it should sound to our ears. His command over lines was something that didn’t go unnoticed.  Kalyani in her brief role was beautiful. Her highlight moment was ofcourse the balcony scene.

So in review , I spent a delightful evening laughing(for the greater part. A few moments of the play seemed a bit prolonged. Personally as a viewer, I would have just loved to see Juliet answer Panauti’s question 

The best introduction to a movie ever!

My version of the the Zulu part was “Maaaa sesenyaaaa mamasissii babaaaa” until Googleruined it  corrected it for me years later. My heart still goes ‘aww’ everytime I see Simba sneeze when Rafiki pours sand on his forehead . Even though this movie is about Simba, Mufaasa will always remain “The Lion King” for me, he was way cooler than Simba ever was and I guess once you’ve heard him , you can never look at the stars as just regular balls of gas burning billions of miles away. I guess my childhood was as awesome as it was due to movies like these.

Oh and what a cool character Rafiki was – he was as crazy as he was cool. I remember watching a clip of the show on Broadway performing “the circle of life” on the Oprah show a long time ago and burst into tears right there in the living room.